He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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