Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
