hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
