If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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