Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
