I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
