I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
