She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
