That's when you crack a 10am beer
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
