Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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