Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
