I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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