i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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