I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
