Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
