I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
