what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
