It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
