It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
