You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
