I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
