marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got chris browned last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
