i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
