Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I currently don't understand fingers.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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