I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
