Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
birth control should be required to get into college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
