pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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