Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
