so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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