Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
