Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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