I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
