I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
