I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I will die if light touches me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
