I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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