he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
