Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
