Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
