Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
