Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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