you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
