what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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