you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
