Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
