Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
