woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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