Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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