I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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