are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
