Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a beard to bite.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
