So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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