I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
