I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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